BIG BLUNDERS..The Christmas Season
Brooklyn Union Argus
23 December 1882

To accept an invitation to sing when they'll make fun of your voice.
To try a punched nickel on a newsboy who will yell "come off, now."
To tell your wife that seal skin sacques are out of fashion.
To buy adulterated tea.
To tell your boys that there is no fun in skating.
To celebrate Christmas by getting drunk.
To think the Penal Code will be rigidly enforced to-morrow.
To invite a $2.50 girl to supper when you have only 87 cents.
To hang up your pants for Christmas without tying the legs up at the bottom.
To give an organ grinder ten cents thinking he will go away.
To wait until to-day before buying your presents. 
To wait until after get them 50 per cent off.
To think you will live to walk over the Bridge.
To invite a girl out to the park if she doesn't know to skate.
To think that Sullivan will ever put up his "dukes" in earnest.
To suppose for a moment that you will get what you hope for on Monday.
To think that Mrs. Langtry will outshine our B.B.'s, Brooklyn Belles.
To think you will have a sleigh ride on Christmas.
To forget to remember the poor at this festive season.
To think that the Democrats in Congress are really in favor of Civil Service Reform.
To believe every shopkeeper who says his turkeys are all young.
To think that the Union-Argus will be issued on Monday.