ETIQUETTE






<PRE>

 LADIES TRAVELLING AT HOME AND ABROAD

TO do nothing that can either annoy or offend the sensibilities of others,
sums up the principal rules for conduct under all circumstances-whether
staying at home or traveling. But in order to do nothing that can annoy or
give offense, it is necessary for us to consider the point of view of those
with whom we come in contact; and in traveling abroad it is necessary to
know something of foreign customs which affect the foreign point of view, if
we would be thought a cultivated and charming people instead of an
uncivilized and objectionable one. Before going abroad, however, let us
first take up the subject of travel at home.

ON A RAILROAD TRAIN

  On a railroad train you should be careful not to assail the nostrils of
fellow passengers with strong odors of any kind. An odor that may seem to
you refreshing, may cause others who dislike it and are "poor travelers" to
suffer really great distress. There is a combination of banana and the
leather smell of a valise containing food, that is to many people an
immediate emetic. The smell of a banana or an orange, is in fact to nearly
all bad travelers the last straw. In America where there are "diners" on
every Pullman train, the food odors are seldom encountered in parlor cars,
but in Europe where railroad carriages are small, one fruit enthusiast can
make his traveling companions more utterly wretched than perhaps he can
imagine. The cigar which is smoldering has, on most women, the same effect.
Certain perfumes that are particularly heavy, make others ill. To at least
half of an average trainful of people, strong odors of one kind or another
are disagreeable if not actually nauseating.

      LADIES DO NOT TRAVEL WITH ESCORTS

        In a curiously naïve book on etiquette appeared a chapter purporting
to give advice to a "lady" traveling for an indefinite number of days with a
gentleman escort! That any lady could go traveling for days under the
protection of a gentleman is at least a novelty in etiquette. As said
elsewhere, in fashionable society an "escort" is unheard of, and in decent
society a lady doesn't go traveling around the country with a gentleman
unless she is outside the pale of society, in which case social convention,
at least, is not concerned with her.    5
        Ladies are sometimes accompanied on short, direct trips by gentlemen
of their acquaintance, but not for longer than a few hours.    6
        If a lady traveling alone on a long journey, such as a trip across
the continent, happens to find a gentleman on board whom she knows, she must
not allow him to sit with her in the dining-car more often than a casual
once or twice, nor must she allow him to sit with her or talk to her enough
to give a possible impression that they are together. In fact she would be
more prudent to take her meals by herself, as it is scarcely worth running
the risk of other passengers' criticism for the sake of having companionship
at a meal or two. If, on a short trip, a gentleman asks a lady, whom he
knows, to lunch with him in the dining-car, there is no reason why she
shouldn't.    7

      THE YOUNG WOMAN TRAVELING ALONE

        In America, a young woman can go across every one of our thousands
upon thousands of railed miles without the slightest risk of a disagreeable
occurrence if she is herself dignified and reserved. She should be
particularly careful if she is young and pretty not to allow strange men to
"scrape an acquaintance" with her. If a stranger happens to offer to open a
window for her, or get her a chair on the observation platform, it does not
give him the right to more than a civil "thank you" from her. If, in spite
of etiquette, she should on a long journey drift into conversation with an
obviously well-behaved youth, she should remember that talking with him at
all is contrary to the proprieties, and that she must be doubly careful to
keep him at a formal distance. There is little harm in talking of utterly
impersonal subjects-but she should avoid giving him information that is
personal.    8
        Every guardian should also warn a young girl that if, when she
alights at her destination, her friends fail to meet her, she should on no
account accept a stranger's offer, whether man or woman, to drive her to her
destination. The safest thing to do is to walk. If it is too far, and there
is no "official" taxicab agent belonging to the railroad company, she should
go to the ticket seller or some one wearing the railroad uniform and ask him
to select a vehicle for her. She should never-above all in a strange city
where she does not even know her direction-take a taxi on the street.    9

      REGISTERING IN A HOTEL

        A gentleman writes in the hotel register:

      "John Smith, New York."   10
        Under no circumstances "Mr." or "Hon." if he is alone. But if his
wife is with him, the prefix to their joint names is correct:

      "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, New York."   11
        He never enters his street and house number. Neither "John Smith and
Wife" nor "John Smith and Family" are good form. If he does not like the
"Mr." before his name he can sign his own without, on one line, and then
write "Mrs. Smith" on the one below. The whole family should be registered:
            John T. Smith, New York
            Mrs. Smith,
            and maid (if she has brought one) "
            Miss Margaret Smith, "
            John T. Smith, Jr., "
            Baby and nurse, "
       12
        Or, if the children are young, he writes:
        Mr. & Mrs. John T. Smith, New York, 3 children and nurse.   13
        A lady never sings her name without "Miss" or "Mrs." in a hotel
register:
        "Miss Abigail Titherington" is correct, or "Mrs. John Smith," never
"Sarah Smith."   14

      LADIES ALONE IN AMERICAN HOTELS

        If you have never been in a hotel alone but you are of sufficient
years, well behaved and dignified in appearance, you need have no fear as to
the treatment you will receive. But you should write to the hotel in
advance-whether here or in Europe. In this country you register in the
office and are shown to your room, or rooms, by a bell-boy-in some hotels by
a bell-boy and a maid.   15
        One piece of advice: You will not get good service unless you tip
generously. If you do not care for elaborate meals, that is nothing to your
discredit; but you should not go to an expensive hotel, hold a table that
would otherwise be occupied by others who might order a long dinner, and
expect your waiter to be contented with a tip of fifteen cents for your
dollar supper! The rule is ten per cent, beginning with a meal costing about
three or four dollars. A quarter is the smallest possible tip in a first
class hotel. If your meal costs a quarter-you should give the waiter a
quarter. If it costs two dollars or more than two dollars, you give thirty
or thirty-five cents, and ten per cent on a bigger amount. In smaller hotels
tips are less in proportion. Tipping is undoubtedly a bad system, but it
happens to be in force, and that being the case, travelers have to pay their
share of it-if they like the way made smooth and comfortable.   16
        A lady traveling alone with her maid (or without one), of necessity
has her meals alone in her own sitting-room, if she has one. If she goes to
the dining-room, she usually takes a book because hotel service seems
endless to one used to meals at home and nothing is duller than to sit long
alone with nothing to do but look at the tablecloth, which is scarcely
diverting, or at other people, which is impolite.   17

      ON THE STEAMER

        In the days when our great-grandparents went to Europe on a clipper
ship carrying at most a score of voyagers and taking a month perhaps to make
the crossing, those who sat day after day together, and evening after
evening around the cabin lamp, became necessarily friendly; and in many
instances not only for the duration of the voyage but for life. More often
than not, those who had "endured the rigors" of the Atlantic together,
joined forces in engaging the courier who was in those days indispensable,
and set out on their Continental travels in company. Dashing to Europe and
back was scarcely to be imagined, and travelers who had ventured such a
distance, stayed at least a year or more. Also in those slower days of
crawling across the earth's surface by post-chaise and diligence and
horseback, travelers meeting in inns and elsewhere, fell literally on each
other's neck at the sound of an American accent! And each retailed to the
other his news of home; to which was added the news of all whom they had
encountered. It is also from these "traveling ancestors" that families
inherit their Continental visiting lists. Friends they made in Europe, in
turn gave letters of introduction to friends coming later to America. And to
them again their American hosts sent letters by later American friends.   18
        But to-day when going to Europe is of scarcely greater importance
than going into another State, and when the passenger list numbers hundreds,
"making friends with strangers" is the last thing the great-grandchildren of
those earlier travelers would think of.   19
        It may be pretty accurately said that the faster and bigger the
ship, the less likely one is to speak to strangers, and yet-as
always-circumstances alter cases. Because the Worldlys, the Oldnames, the
Eminents,-all those who are innately exclusive-never "pick up" acquaintances
on shipboard, it does not follow that no fashionable and well-born people
ever drift into acquaintanceship on European-American steamers of to-day-but
they are at least not apt to do so. Many in fact take the ocean-crossing as
a rest-cure and stay in their cabins the whole voyage. The Worldlys always
have their meals served in their own "drawing-room" and have their deck
chairs placed so that no one is very near them, and keep to themselves
except when they invite friends of their own to play bridge or take dinner
or lunch with them.   20
        But because the Worldlys and the Eminents-and the Snobsnifts who
copy them-stay in their cabins, sit in segregated chairs and speak to no one
except the handful of their personal friends or acquaintances who happen to
be on board, it does not follow that the Smiths, Joneses and Robinsons are
not enlarging their acquaintance with every revolution of the screws. And if
you happen to like to be talked to by strangers, and if they in turn like to
talk to you, it can not be said that there is any rule of etiquette against
it.   21

      DINING SALOON ETIQUETTE

        Very fashionable people as a rule travel a great deal, which means
that they are known very well to the head steward, who reserves a table, or
they engage a table for themselves when they get their tickets. Mr. and Mrs.
Gilding for instance, if they know that friends of theirs are sailing on the
same steamer, ask them to sit at their table and ask for a sufficiently
large table on purpose. Or if they are traveling alone, they arrange to have
one of the small tables for two, to themselves.   22
        People of wide acquaintance in big cities are sure to find friends
on board with whom they can arrange, if they choose, to sit on deck or in
the dining saloon, but most people, unless really intimate friends are on
board, sit wherever the head steward puts them. After a meal or two people
always speak to those sitting next to them. None but the rudest snobs would
sit through meal after meal without ever addressing a word to their table
companions. Well-bred people are always courteous, but that does not mean
that they establish friendships with any strangers who happen to be placed
next to them.   23
        In crossing the Pacific, people are more generally friendly because
the voyage is so much longer, and on the other long voyages, such as those
to India and South Africa, the entire ship's company become almost as
intimate as in the old clipper days.   24

      THE TACTICS OF THE CLIMBER

        There are certain constant travelers who, it is said, count on a
European voyage to increase their social acquaintance by just so much each
trip! Richan Vulgar, for instance, has his same especial table every time he
crosses, which is four times a year! Walking through a "steamer train" he
sees a "celebrity," a brilliant, let us say, but unworldly man. Vulgar
annexes him by saying, casually, "Have you a seat at table? Better sit with
me, I always have the table by the door; it is easy to get in and out." The
celebrity accepts, since there is no evidence that he is to be "featured,"
and the chances are that he remains unconscious to the end of time that he
served as a decoy. Boarding the steamer, Vulgar sees the Lovejoys, and
pounces: "You must sit at my table! Celebrity and I are crossing together-he
is the most delightful man! I want you to sit next to him." They think
Celebrity sounds very interesting; so, not having engaged a table for
themselves, they say they will be delighted. On the deck, the Smartleys
appear and ask the Lovejoys to sit with them. Vulgar, who is standing by (he
is always standing by) breaks in even without an introduction and says: "Mr.
and Mrs. Lovejoy and Celebrity are sitting at my table, won't you sit with
me also?" If the Smartlys protest they have a table, he is generally
insistent and momentarily overpowering enough to make them join forces with
him. As the Smartlys particularly want to sit next to the Lovejoys and also
like the idea of meeting Celebrity, it ends in Vulgar's table being a
collection of fashionables whom he could not possibly have gotten together
without just such a maneuver.   25
        The question of what he gets out of it is puzzling since with each
hour the really well-bred people dislike him more and more intensely, and at
the end of a day or so, his table's company are all eating on deck to avoid
him. Perhaps there is some recompense that does not appear on the surface,
but to the casual observer the satisfaction of telling others that the
Smartlys, Lovejoys and Wellborns sat at his table would scarcely seem worth
the effort.   26

      THOSE ACQUISITIVE OF ACQUAINTANCE

        There is another type of steamer passenger and hotel guest who may,
or may not, be a climber. This one searches out potential acquaintances on
the passenger list and hotel register with the avidity of a bird searching
for worms. You have scarcely found your own stateroom and had your deck
chair placed, when one of them swoops upon you: "I don't know whether you
remember me? I met you in nineteen two, at Countess della Robbia's in
Florence." Your memory being wofully incomplete, there is nothing for you to
say except, "How do you do!" If a few minutes of conversation, which should
be sufficient, proves her to be a lady, you talk to her now and again
throughout the voyage, and may end by liking her very much. If, however, her
speech breaks into expressions which prove her not a lady, you become
engrossed in your book or conversation with another when she approaches.
Often these over-friendly people are grasping, calculating and
objectionable, but sometimes like Ricki Ticki Tavi they are merely obsessed
with a mania to run about and see what is going on in the world.   27
        For instance, Miss Spinster is one of the best-bred, best-informed,
most charming ladies imaginable. But her mania for people cannot fail on
occasions to put her in a position to be snubbed-never seriously because she
is too obviously a lady for that. But to see her trotting along the deck and
then darting upon a helpless reclining figure, is at least an illustration
of the way some people make friends. It can't be done, of course, unless you
have once known the person you are addressing, or unless you have a friend
in common who, though absent, can serve in making the introduction.   28
        As said in "Introductions," introducing oneself is often perfectly
correct. If you, sharing Miss Spinster's love of people, find yourself on a
steamer with the intimate friend of a member of your family, you may very
properly go up and say, "I am going to speak to you because I am Celia
Lovejoy's cousin-I am Mrs. Brown." And Mrs. Norman, who very much likes
Celia Lovejoy, says cordially, "I am so glad you spoke to me, do sit down,
won't you?" But to have your next chair neighbor on deck insist on talking
to you, if you don't want to be talked to, is very annoying, and it is bad
form for her to do so. If you are sitting hour after hour doing nothing but
idly looking in front of you, your neighbor might address a few remarks to
you, and if you receive them with any degree of enthusiasm, your response
may be translated into a willingness to talk. But if you answer in the
merest monosyllables, it should be taken to mean that you prefer to be left
to your own diversions.   29
        Even if you are agreeable, your neighbor should show tact in not
speaking to you when you are reading or writing, or show no inclination for
conversation. The point is really that no one must do anything to interfere
with the enjoyment of another. Whoever is making the advance, whether your
neighbor or yourself, it must never be more than tentative; if not at least
met halfway, it must be withdrawn at once. That is really the only rule
there is. It should merely be granted that those who do not care to meet
others have just as much right to their seclusion as those who delight in
others have a right to be delighted-as long as that delight is unmistakably
mutual.   30

      STEAMER TIPS

        Each ordinary first class passenger, now as always, gives ten
shillings ($2.50) to the room steward or stewardess, ten shillings to the
dining-room steward, ten shillings to the deck steward, ten shillings to the
lounge steward. Your tip to the head steward and to one of the chefs depends
on whether they have done anything especial for you. If not, you do not tip
them. If you are a bad sailor and have been taking your meals in your room,
you give twenty shillings ($5.00) at least to the stewardess (or steward, if
you are a man). Or if you have eaten your meals on deck, you give twenty
shillings to the deck steward, and ten to his assistant, and you give five
to the bath steward. To any steward who takes pains to please you, you show
by your manner in thanking him that you appreciate his efforts, as well as
by giving him a somewhat more generous tip when you leave the ship.   31
        If you like your bath at a certain hour, you would do well to ask
your bath steward for it as soon as you go on board (unless you have a
private bath of your own), since the last persons to speak get the
inconvenient hours-naturally. To many the daily salt bath is the most
delightful feature of the trip. The water is always wonderfully clear and
the towels are heated.   32
        If you have been ill on the voyage, some ship's doctors send in a
bill; others do not. In the latter case you are not actually obliged to give
them anything, but the generously inclined put the amount of an average fee
in an envelope and leave it for the doctor at the purser's office.   33

      DRESS ON THE STEAMER

        On the de luxe steamers nearly every one dresses for dinner; some
actually in ball dresses, which is in worst possible taste, and, like all
overdressing in public places, indicates that they have no other place to
show their finery. People of position never put on formal evening dress on a
steamer, not even in the à la carte restaurant, which is a feature of the de
luxe steamer of size. In the dining saloon they wear afternoon house
dresses-without hats-for dinner. In the restaurant they wear semi-dinner
dresses. Some smart men on the ordinary steamers put on a dark sack suit for
dinner after wearing country clothes all day, but in the de luxe restaurant
they wear Tuxedo coats. No gentleman wears a tail-coat on shipboard under
any circumstances whatsoever.   34

      TRAVELING ABROAD

        Just as one discordant note makes more impression than all the
others that are correctly played in an entire symphony, so does a discordant
incident stand out and dominate a hundred others that are above criticism,
and therefore unnoticed.   35
        In every country of Europe and Asia are Americans who combine the
brilliancy which none can deny is the birthright of the newer world, with
the cultivation and good breeding of the old. These Americans of the best
type go all over the world, fitting in so perfectly with their background
that not even the inhabitants notice they are strangers; in other words they
achieve the highest accomplishment possible.   36
        But in contrast to these, the numberless discordant ones are only
too familiar; one sees them swarming over Europe in bunches, sometimes in
hordes, on regular professionally run tours. This, of course, does not mean
that all personally conducted tourists are anything like them. The
objectionables are loud of voice, loud in manner; they always attract as
much attention as possible to themselves, and wave American flags on all
occasions.   37
        The American flag is the most wonderful emblem in the whole world,
and ours is the most glorious country too, but that does not mean that it is
good taste to wave our flag for no reason whatever. At a parade or on an
especial day when other people are waving flags, then let us wave ours by
all means-but not otherwise. It does not dignify our flag to make it an
object of ridicule to others, and that is exactly the result of the
ceaseless flaunting of it by a group of people who talk at the top of their
voices, who deliberately assume that the atmosphere belongs to them, and who
behave like noisy, untrained savages trying to "show off." In hotels, on
excursions, steamers and trains, they insist on talking to everyone, whether
everyone wants to talk or not. They are "all over the place"-there is no
other way to express it-and they allow privacy to no one if they can help
it.   38
        Numberless cultivated Americans traveling in Europe never by any
chance speak English or carry English books on railroad trains, as a
protection against the other type of American who allows no one to travel in
the same compartment and escape conversation. The only way to avoid
unwelcome importunities is literally to take refuge in assuming another
nationality.   39
        Strangely enough, these irrepressibles are seldom encountered at
home; they seem to develop on the steamer and burst into full bloom only on
the beaten tourist trails-which is a pity, because if they only developed at
home instead, we might be intensely annoyed but at least we should not be
mortified before our own citizens about other fellow-citizens. But to a
sensitive American it is far from pleasant to have the country he loves
represented by a tableful of vulgarians noisily attracting the attention of
a whole dining-room, and to have a European say mockingly, "Ah, and those
are your compatriots?"   40
        Some years ago, a Russian grand duke sitting next to Mrs. Oldname at
a luncheon in a Monte Carlo restaurant, said to her:   41
        "Your country puzzles me! How can it be possible that it holds
without explosion such antagonistic types as the many charming Americans we
are constantly meeting, and at the same time-" looking at a group who were
actually singing and beating time on their glasses with knives and forks-
"those!"   42
        A French officer's comment to an American officer with whom he was
talking in a club in Paris, quite unconsciously tells the same tale:   43
        "You are liaison officer, I suppose, with the Americans? But may I
be permitted to ask why you wear their uniform?"   44
        The other smiled: "I am an American!"   45
        "You an American? Impossible! Why, you speak French like a Parisian,
you have the manner of a great gentleman!" (un grand seigneur,) which would
indicate that the average American does not speak perfect French nor have
beautiful manners. There is much excuse for not speaking foreign languages,
but there is no excuse whatever for having offensive manners and riding
rough-shod over people who own the land-not we, who seem to think we do.
46
        As for "souvenir hunters," perhaps they can explain wherein their
pilfering of another's property differs from petty thieving-a distinction
which the owner can scarcely be expected to understand. Those who write
their names, defacing objects of beauty with their vainglorious smudges and
scribblings, are scarcely less culpable.   47
        In France, in Spain, in Italy, grace and politeness of manner is as
essential to merest decency as being clothed. In the hotels that are "used
to us" (something of a commentary!) our lack of politeness is tolerated; but
don't think for a moment it is not paid for! The officer referred to above,
who had had the advantage of summer after summer spent in Europe as a boy,
was charged just about half what another must pay who has "the rudeness of a
savage."   48
        But good manners are good manners everywhere, except that in Latin
and Asiatic countries we must, as it seems to us, exaggerate politeness. We
must, in France and Italy, bow smilingly; we must, in Spain and the East,
bow gravely; but in any event, it is necessary everywhere, except under the
American and British flags, to bow-though your bow is often little more than
a slight inclination of the head, and a smile-and to show some ceremony in
addressing people.   49
        When you go into a shop in France or Italy, you must smile and bow
and say, "Good morning, madam," or "Good evening, monsieur," and "Until we
meet again," when you leave. If you can't say "Au revoir," say "Good
afternoon" in English, but at all events say something in a polite tone of
voice, which is much more important than the words themselves. To be civilly
polite is not difficult-it is merely a matter of remembering. To fail to say
"good morning" to a concierge, a chambermaid, or a small tradesman in
France, treating him (or her) as though he did not exist, is not evidence of
your grandeur but of your ignorance. A French duchess would not think of
entering the littlest store without saying, "Good morning, madame," to its
proprietress, and if she is known to her at all, without making enquiries
concerning the health of the various members of her family. Nor would she
fail to say, "Good morning, Auguste," or "Marie," to her own servants.   50

      EUROPE'S UNFLATTERING OPINION OF US

        For years we Americans have swarmed over the face of the world,
taking it for granted that the earth's surface belongs to us because we can
pay for it, and it is rather worse than ever since the war, when the
advantages of exchange add bitterness to irritation.   51
        And yet there are many who are highly indignant when told that, as a
type, we are not at all admired abroad. Instead of being indignant, how much
simpler and better it would be to make ourselves admirable, especially since
it is those who most lack cultivation who are most indignant. The very
well-bred may be mortified and abashed, but they can't be indignant except
with their fellow countrymen who by their shocking behavior make Europe's
criticism just.   52
        Understanding of, and kind-hearted consideration for the feelings of
others are the basic attributes of good manners. Without observation,
understanding is impossible-even in our own country where the attitude of
our neighbors is much the same as our own. It is not hard to appreciate,
therefore, that to understand the point of view of people entirely foreign
to ourselves, requires intuitive perception as well as cultivation in a very
high degree.   53

      AMERICANS IN EUROPEAN SOCIETY

        It is only in musical comedy that one can go into a strange city and
be picked out of the crowd and invited to the tables of the high of the
land, because one looks as though one might be agreeable! To see anything of
society in the actual world it is necessary to have friends, either
Americans living or "stationed" or married abroad; or to take letters of
introduction. Taking letters of introduction should never be done
carelessly, because of the obligation that they impose. But to go to a
strange country and see nothing of its social life, is like a blind person's
going to the theater, and the only way a stranger can know people is through
the letters he brings.   54
        Under ordinary circumstances no knowledge whatsoever beyond the
social amenities the world over are necessary. A dinner abroad is exactly
the same as one here. You enter a room, you bow, you shake hands, you say,
"How do you do." You sit at table, you talk of impersonal things, say
"Good-by" and "Thank you" to your hostess, and you leave.   55
        The matter of addressing people of title correctly is of little
importance. The beautiful Lady Oldworld (who was Alice Town) was asked one
day by a fellow countryman, what she called this person of title and that
one, and she replied:   56
        "I'm not sure that I know! Why should I call them at all?" which was
a perfectly sensible answer. One never says anything but "you" to the person
spoken to; and it might be an excellent thing not to know how to speak about
anyone with a title, as it would prevent one's mentioning them.   57
        Having gone into the subject thus far, however, it may be added that
if at a dinner you are put next to a Duke, if it is necessary to call him
anything except "you," you would say "Duke." Unless you are waiting on the
table instead of sitting at it, you would not say, "Your Grace" and not even
then "My Lord Duke." Neither, unless you are a valet or a chambermaid, would
you say "Your Lordship" to an Earl! If you are a lady, you call him "Lord
Arlington." If you know him really well, you call him "Arlington." To a
knight you say, "Sir Arthur," which sounds familiar, but there is nothing
else you can call him.   58
        In England a stranger is not supposed to introduce anyone, so that
titles of address are not necessary then either; but if you happen to be the
hostess and French or Americans are present, who like introductions, you
introduce Sir Arthur Dryden to the Duke and Duchess of Overthere, or to
Prince and Princess Capri. In talking to her, the latter would be called
"Princess" and her husband "Prince Capri" or "Prince" or by those who know
him well, "Capri."   59


      PRESENTATION AT COURT

        Frequently American men are presented at the British Court at levees
held by the King for the purpose. Such men are of course distinguished
citizens who have been in some branch of public service, or who have
contributed something to art, science, history or progress.   60
        An American lady to be eligible for presentation at a foreign Court
should be either the wife or daughter of a distinguished American citizen or
be herself notable in some branch of learning or accomplishment.   61
        It is absolutely necessary that such a candidate take letters of
introduction to the American Ambassador,* or Minister if in a country where
we have a Legation instead of an Embassy. She would enclose her letters in a
note to the Ambassadress asking that her name be put on the list for
presentation. The propriety of this request is a very difficult subject to
advise upon, in that it is better that the suggestion come from the
Ambassador rather than from oneself. It is, however, perfectly permissible
for one whose presentation is appropriate, but who may perhaps not know the
Ambassador or his wife personally, to do as suggested above. It must also be
remembered that rarely more than three or perhaps five persons are presented
at any one time, so that the difficulty of obtaining a place on the list is
obvious. [* In South America alone, where out of courtesy to those who also
consider themselves "Americans," the Embassies and Legations of our country
are known as those of The United States of America. But in all other
countries of the world we are known simply as "Americans"-it is the only
name we have. We are not United Staters or United Statians-there is not even
a word to apply to us! To speak of the American Minister to this country or
that, and of the American Embassy in Paris for instance, is entirely
correct.]   62
        An American lady is presented by the American Ambassadress (or the
wife of the American Minister) or by the wife of the Chargé d'Affaires if
the Ambassadress be absent; or occasionally by the Doyenne of the diplomatic
corps at the request of the American Embassy.   63
        It would be futile to attempt giving details of full court dress or
especial details of etiquette, as these vary not alone with countries, but
with time! If you are about to be presented, you will surely be told all
that is necessary by the person presenting you. These details, after all,
merely comprise the exact length of train or other particulars of dress, the
hour you are to be at such and such a door, where you are to stand, and how
many curtsies or bows you are to make. In all other and essential
particulars you behave as you would in any and every circumstance of
formality. In general outline, however, it would be safe to say that on the
day of the ceremony you drive to the Palace at a specified hour, wearing
specified clothes and carrying your card of invitation in your hand. Your
wraps are left in the carriage (or motor-car), you enter the Palace and are
shown into a room where you wait, and wait and WAIT! until at last you are
admitted to the Audience Chamber where you approach the receiving Royalties;
you curtsy deeply before them and then back out.   64
        Or else-you stand on an assigned spot while the King or Queen or
both make the tour of those waiting, who curtsy (or bow) deeply at their
approach and again at their withdrawal.   65
        If you are spoken to at length, you answer as under any other
circumstances, exactly as a polite child answers his elders. You do not
speak unless spoken to. If your answer is long you need say nothing except
the answer; if short, you add "Sir" to the King and "Madam" to the Queen.
This seemingly democratic title is as a matter of fact the correct one for
all Royalty. "Yes, sir." "Very much indeed, Madam." "I think so, Madam."
66

      FOREIGN LANGUAGES

        In the Latin countries, grace and facility of speech is an object of
life-long cultivation-and no one is considered an educated person who can
not speak several languages well. Those who speak many fluently, by the way,
are seldom those who constantly interlard their own tongue with words from
another.   67
        Not to understand any foreign languages would be a decided handicap
in European society, where conversation is very apt to turn polyglot,
beginning in one tongue and going on in a second and ending in a third. So
that one who knows only English is often in the position of a deaf person,
even though Europeans are invariably polite and never let a conversation run
long in a language which all those present do not understand. It might
easily happen that a French lady and an American, neither understanding the
tongue of the other, meet at the house of an Italian, where there is also an
Italian monolinguist, so that the hostess has to talk in three languages at
once.   68
        It is unreasonable to expect the average American to be a linguist;
we are too far removed from foreign countries. As a matter of fact, if you
would make yourself agreeable, it is much better (unless your facility was
acquired as a child or you have a talent amounting to genius for accent and
construction), to make it a rule when you lunch or dine with Europeans to
talk English, since all Latins acutely suffer at hearing their language
distorted. English, on the other hand, is not beautiful in sound to the
foreign ear; it is a series of esses and shushes, lumped with consonants
like an iron-wheeled cart bumping over a cobble-stoned street. The Latin's
accent in English is annoying even to us at times, but the English accent in
French, Italian or Spanish is murderous! Furthermore, the Latin passionately
loves his language in the way the Westerner loves his city; he simply can
not endure to have it abused, and execrates the person who does so. And,
proportionately, he loves the few who prove they share his love by speaking
it creditably.   69

      TO IMPROVE ONE'S ACCENT

        If you want to improve your accent, nothing can so help you as going
to the theater abroad until your ears literally absorb the sounds! All
people are imitative. There are few who do not gradually lose the purity of
a good foreign accent when long away from Europe, and all speak more
fluently when their ears become accustomed to the sound.   70
        The theater is not only the best possible place to hear correctly
enunciated speech, but a play of contemporary life is equally valuable as a
study in manners. There is also a suavity of grace in the way Europeans bow
and stand and sit, and in the way they speak, that is unconsciously
imitated. These "manners" need not-in fact, should not-be gushing or
mincing, but you gradually perceive that jerking ramrod motions and stalking
into a drawing-room like a grenadier are less impressive than awkward.   71

      THE SPOILED AMERICAN GIRL

        The subject of American manners, as they appear to Europeans, cannot
be dismissed without comment on a reprehensible type of American girl who
flourishes on shipboard, on tours, and in public places generally-but most
particularly in the large and expensive hotels of Continental resorts.   72
        If she and her family have a "home," they are never in it, and if
they have any object in life other than letting her follow her own
unhampered inclinations, it is not apparent to the ordinary observer. Such a
girl is always overdressed, she wears every fashion in its extremest
exaggeration, she sparkles with jewelry, and reeks of scent, she switches
herself this way and that, and is always posing in public view and playing
to the public gallery. She generally has a small brother who refuses to go
to bed at night, or to stop making the piazza chairs into a train of cars,
or to use the public halls as a skating rink. When he is not making a noise,
he is eating. And his "elegant" sister looks upon him with disdain.   73
        Sister, meanwhile, jingling with chains and bangles, decked in
scarfs and tulle and earrings, leans on or against whatever happens to be
convenient, flirting with any casual stranger who comes along. She
invariably goes to her meals alone-evidently thinking her parents should be
kept apart from her. She is never away from the Kurhaus or Casino, abroad or
the hotel lobby in America. She is nearly always alone, and the book she is
perpetually reading is always opened at the same page, and she is sure to
look up as you pass. She is very ready to be "picked up" and to confide her
life's history, past, present and future, to any stranger, especially a
young one of the opposite sex. She is rude only to her mother and father.
She is also (we know, but Europe doesn't) a perfectly "good" girl. Her lack
of etiquette is shocking, but her morals are above reproach. She does not
even mean to be rude to her parents, and she has no idea that the things she
does are exactly those which condemn her in the opinion of strangers. If she
were constantly with, and obviously devoted to her mother, she would make an
infinitely better impression, both as to good form and as to heart, than by
segregating herself so that she can be joined by any haphazard youth who
strolls into view, and thereby cheapening not only herself but the name of
the American girl in general.   74
        Curiously enough, if she marries in Europe, she is apt to "settle
down" and become an altogether admirable example of American-European
womanhood, because she is sound fruit at heart-merely wrapped in tawdry gilt
paper trimming by her adoring but ignorantly unwise parents who, in their
effort to show her off, disguise the very qualities which should have been
accentuated.   75

      LADIES TRAVELING ALONE IN EUROPE

        Europeans can not possibly understand how any lady of social
position can be without a maid. A lady traveling alone, therefore, has this
trifling handicap to start with. It is a very snobbish opinion, and one who
has the temerity to attempt traveling all by herself has undoubtedly the
ability to see it through. She need after all merely behave with extreme
quietness and dignity and she can go from one end of the world to the other
without molestation or even difficulty-especially if she is anything of a
linguist.   76
        In going from one place to another, it is wiser to write as long as
possible ahead for accommodations-possibly giving the name of the one (if
any) who recommended the hotel. But in going far off into Asia or other
"difficult" countries, she would better join friends or at least a
personally conducted tour, unless she has the mettle of a Burton or a
Stanley.   77

      MOTORING IN EUROPE

        Motoring in Europe is perfectly feasible and easy. A car has to be
put in a crate to cross the ocean, but in crossing the channel between
England and France, no difficulty whatever is experienced. All information
necessary can be had at any of the automobile clubs, and in going from one
country to another, you have merely to show your passports at the border
properly viséd and pay a deposit to insure your not selling the car out of
the country, which is refunded when you come back.   78
        Garage charges are reasonable, but gasoline is high. Roads are
beautiful, and traveling-once you have your car-is much cheaper than by
train.   79
        Once off the beaten track, a tourist who has not a working knowledge
of the language of the country he is driving through, is at a disadvantage,
but plenty of people constantly do it, so it is at least not insurmountable.
With English you can go to most places-with English and French nearly
everywhere. The Michelin guide shows you in a little drawing, exactly the
type of hotels you will find in each approaching town and the price of
accommodation, so that you can choose your own stopping places accordingly.
80
        "And etiquette?" you ask. There is no etiquette of motoring that
differs from all other etiquette. Except of course not to be a road hog-or a
road pig! People who take up the entire road are not half the offenders that
others are who picnic along the side of it and leave their old papers and
food all over everywhere. For that matter, any one who shoves himself
forward in any situation in life, he who pushes past, bumping into you,
walking over you, in order to get a first seat on a train, or to be the
first off a boat, any one who pushes himself out of his turn, or takes more
than his share, anywhere or of anything-is precisely that sort of an animal.
81

      ON A CONTINENTAL TRAIN

        Europeans usually prefer to ride backwards, and as an American
prefers to face the engine, it works out beautifully. It is not etiquette to
talk with fellow passengers, in fact it is very middle-class. If you are in
a smoking carriage (all European carriages are smoking unless marked "Ladies
alone" or "No smoking") and ladies are present, it is polite to ask if you
may smoke. Language is not necessary, as you need merely to look at your
cigar and bow with an interrogatory expression, whereupon your fellow
passengers bow assent and you smoke.   82

      THE PERFECT TRAVELER.

        One might say the perfect traveler is one whose digestion is
perfect, whose disposition is cheerful, who can be enthusiastic under the
most discouraging circumstances, to whom discomfort is of no moment, and who
possesses at least a sense of the ridiculous, if not a real sense of humor!
The perfect traveler furthermore, is one who possesses the virtue of
punctuality; one who has not forgotten something at the last minute, and
whose bags are all packed and down at the hour for the start. Those who fuss
and flurry about being ready, or those whose disposition is easily upset or
who are inclined to be gloomy, should not travel-unless they go alone.
Nothing can spoil a journey more than some one who is easily put out of
temper and who always wants to do something the others do not. Whether
traveling with your family or with comparative strangers, you must realize
that your personal likes and dislikes have at least on occasion to be
subordinated to the likes and dislikes of others; nor can you always be
comfortable, or have good weather, or make perfect connections, or find
everything to your personal satisfaction; and you only add to your own
discomfort and chagrin, as well as to the discomfort of every one else, by
refusing to be philosophical. Those who are bad sailors should not go on
yachting parties; they are always abjectly wretched, and are of no use to
themselves or any one else. Those who hate walking should not start out on a
tramp that is much too far for them and expect others to turn back when they
get tired. They need not "start" to begin with, but having once started,
they must see it through.   83
        There is no greater test of a man's (or a woman's) "wearing"
qualities than traveling with him. He who is always keen and ready for
anything, delighted with every amusing incident, willing to overlook
shortcomings, and apparently oblivious of discomfort, is, needless to say,
the one first included on the next trip.

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